Warning: Expect foul language. I often blog when sleep deprived, and even when I'm not sleep deprived I cuss.
Warning the second: TMI often occurs. Read at your own risk. Feel free to laugh at my expense (I know I do!).
Warning the third: I suppose I should just put a general Trigger Warning here. I talk about mental illness (Anxiety, panic disorder, depression, social shit), abuse (rarely), and my fucked up relationship with food. And...other things. Actually, just consider this a general warning: If you might be triggered by things, you probably should read no further.

Saturday, April 28, 2012


I am going to rant again. It will be somewhat of a repeat of my previous post. I am on sudafed, have a headache in spite of said sudafed and copious amounts of painkiller and am feeling particularly cranky. Also, the only reason there's not more about the racism I've had to deal with this week is because the teacher responded and redirected the other stuff into more productive pathways. Communications Doctorate FTW!
I actually initially wrote this as a note for fb but am not sure I should post it because reasons. FORTUNATELY, this blog exists so that I *DON"T* have to edit myself even if I am not entirely with it due to medication or alcohol (or and alcohol, though that's not the best idea kids). So here it is!!
Right now I desperately want a "Lynch Racists" t-shirt. Yes, I see the irony, but sometimes humour is the only way to cope with crap like this. Since separating from Russ, I just haven't had to. Not because Russ is racist, he isn't. His dad is. Incredibly so. As in "n-word"-change-the-channel-when-someone-black-comes-on racist. There was no talking to him, I tried. It was incredibly relaxing to not have to deal with that crap anymore.
This week has just been aggravating. It started with a racist moment that was just facepalm worthy. The person in question is incredibly sweet, but also an incredibly bad communicator with a very narrow (as opposed to closed) mindset. I honestly don't think she intended anything by what she said, and the way she dithered while talking kind of supports the idea. I mean...she started out not wanting to use the word "turban" because she thought it might be offensive. The rest of what she said was just painful to listen to. I felt incredibly embarrassed on her behalf. She's not stupid, but she is narrow-minded and inarticulate. I feel bad saying that because she is so nice, but it's true.
That one was an "I just...I don't even...what?" moment. The next incidents all centered around one individual, his racist attitudes and the fury they instill within me. Pulling that "chingchongching" crap on me does NOT fly. Responding to a mild "Dude, that's kind of racist" with "I'm exercising my freedom of speech!" is just dumb. I never said he couldn't say racist things, but I am just as entitled to use my freedom of speech to identify them as such. I have had too many incredibly sweet Asian men and women (and I do mean Asian, not just East Asian) who looked out for me and treated me like family, to sit quietly. I thought I managed to be restrained and diplomatic under the circumstances. Which, as many of you know, is most definitely not my forte.
I had resolved not to talk to him anymore, but when he joined in a conversation I was having with someone else...What was I going to do? Say "racists aren't allowed to talk"? The conversation was about the midterm we just took and how we felt about going to class. Then it moved on to clothes, and for some reason surfing. The gal I was talking with somehow started talking about how it felt to be the white minority in an Hispanic neighbourhood in California. I think it was in San Diego. This could actually have been an interesting conversation...if he hadn't involved himself. He started going on and on about "Mexicans", gang members and how if they gave him "shit" he'd tell them to get out of his country. I didn't have a chance to respond to that. If I had I would have pointed out that California was settled by the friggin' Spanish; and that, from what I've gathered from documentaries and interviews, a lot of those gang members have family that has lived here for generations. The oldest of the Mexican gangs still in existence today was started in 1890. I'm not excusing criminal activity, I'm just saying he's an ignorant racist (I suppose that's rather redundant).
Then he started in on black people in the South. I know that there are a lot of racist people of all colors. I have witnessed it from all ethnicities, genders and orientations. I have also never had it directed at me since I've become an adult. I don't know why. I mean, sexism I've had to deal for a loooong time. Racism though? It's never been an issue, though I have witnessed people who treated me with respect then treat someone else of the same gender and apparent ethnicity with disrespect. I freely admit that this may give me a skewed perspective on the subject. However, that does not mean that you can generalize and say that an entire ethnicity is racist! I spoke up and said so. It was a hopeless endeavour, but what was I going to do? Validate his racism by staying silent and allowing him to continue his rant unopposed? No, I'm sorry, that's not okay. I am sincerely sympathetic if some black people treated you in a racist manner, or with less respect than you think you deserve Mr. "chingchongching". Okay, maybe I'm not sincere.
We've spent weeks hanging out before class and talking about music. This mostly consisted of me showing him bands he'd never heard of, from a number of different countries. I'd shown him Korean pop music videos. All of this crap came out of the blue. I don't know why. Maybe I offended him by pointing out something mildly racist he said, so now he wants to show me how racist he can be? I don't know. I will endeavour to be as courteous as possible, but I am still going to exercise my freedom of speech to call him out.

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