Warning: Expect foul language. I often blog when sleep deprived, and even when I'm not sleep deprived I cuss.
Warning the second: TMI often occurs. Read at your own risk. Feel free to laugh at my expense (I know I do!).
Warning the third: I suppose I should just put a general Trigger Warning here. I talk about mental illness (Anxiety, panic disorder, depression, social shit), abuse (rarely), and my fucked up relationship with food. And...other things. Actually, just consider this a general warning: If you might be triggered by things, you probably should read no further.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012


I received my denial letter for disability today. I had a moment of utter relief, but my mom turns to me and says "But didn't <friend> say you always get denied the first time? Can't you appeal?" Bah. I know that the best thing for me right now would be to get on disability and work on getting myself in a better place mentally and physically. I know this. I understand that the way I am is not normal, and that currently I do not function well in "normal" society. I...I just don't want to be a failure living on the dole.
Loved ones can reassure me and build me up all they want, it doesn't change how I feel. If I can't work (and currently the thought of even doing a phone interview makes my skin crawl) then I need to be bringing in money *somehow*, but...I don't know. I keep thinking there *has* to be a solution that I just haven't thought of yet. But I keep not figuring out a solution to this. I need money so I can afford my medication that allows me to interact with people as much (ha) as I do currently.
So I'm stressing and stressing and stressing some more.

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