Warning: Expect foul language. I often blog when sleep deprived, and even when I'm not sleep deprived I cuss.
Warning the second: TMI often occurs. Read at your own risk. Feel free to laugh at my expense (I know I do!).
Warning the third: I suppose I should just put a general Trigger Warning here. I talk about mental illness (Anxiety, panic disorder, depression, social shit), abuse (rarely), and my fucked up relationship with food. And...other things. Actually, just consider this a general warning: If you might be triggered by things, you probably should read no further.

Monday, May 21, 2012


My brain said splode. So I decided to work on something else, and my brain said splode again. So *THEN* I decided to find better pictures for the paper dolls for my final project and my brain said "Bitch, did I not just tell you 'splode' two fucking times?!"
So yeah, life can be interesting when your brain hates you. It cooperated very well through the stress of revamping a presentation in only a few days. I was very proud of myself. But when I was done, I still had other homework to do. My brain disagreed. So now I've got a number of things all up in the air, waiting to get done. Meanwhile my mind is quivering like jelly and asking me why I thought going to school was a good fucking idea. I know school is a good idea, and that it's the best thing for me in the long run, but my brain and mind just can't handle it right now. I find myself bribing it "We're in the home stretch! Just under three weeks to go! C'mon brain, do your best, if you do we can get A's and I'll let you veg all summer! I'll let you mainline kdrama! I'll...I'll...I'll." But all that crazysauce can recognize is that I'm stressed out now. It doesn't care about tomorrow, or next week, or (God forbid) next month when it shall be free. It doesn't care that weekend after next we are getting a treat in the form of an SCA event in the company of international students. Crazysauce can only comprehend the idea of right now. And right now I want to cry from the stress of it all. It's very circular. If I could just get the stuff done that I need to get done I wouldn't be all stressed, but I can't because crazysauce won't let me because I'm stressed. Thus we get the vicious cycle of mental illness. Yay. Do you detect a hint of sarcasm? Good.
Fighting!...after a nap maybe *sigh*

No comments:

Post a Comment