Warning: Expect foul language. I often blog when sleep deprived, and even when I'm not sleep deprived I cuss.
Warning the second: TMI often occurs. Read at your own risk. Feel free to laugh at my expense (I know I do!).
Warning the third: I suppose I should just put a general Trigger Warning here. I talk about mental illness (Anxiety, panic disorder, depression, social shit), abuse (rarely), and my fucked up relationship with food. And...other things. Actually, just consider this a general warning: If you might be triggered by things, you probably should read no further.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Happy days!

So, as of yesterday I am free! Judge signed off on the dissolution papers, and in a few business days I'll be able to start the name change process. I'm so excited! It's kind of weird, because I'm not who I was when I last had that name, but... I feel kind of like I'm reclaiming my identity. Like...I don't know, it's like I'm officially and legally myself, independent of all others and their baggage. It's really invigorating. The ex showed up to court with his baby mama (by the way, as a note to the world in general, it's not exactly the height of classiness to cuddle with your new squeeze when you're in court to divorce the old one. Just sayin'.) so that could have been awkward. However, I had a terrible time finding parking, so I entered the building after them. Yay silver linings! Went up, did all that needed doing, the judge gave us the slips telling us how to get our paperwork and BAM free!
I have to admit, at first I was really uncomfortable. There were a lot of people in the courtroom. I mean, it wasn't full or anything, but there were marginally more people than my brain was comfortable with. I was even sitting on the bench at the very back of the room, right against the wall, and I still felt my back tensing up. I managed to stay calm and confident on my walk up to the judge, but I am not ashamed to admit that I booked out of there. I didn't run, but it was an extremely brisk walk!
I'd put makeup on and was wearing nice clothes. When I got home I changed my pants and shoes (they were just a little too warm) and headed out to meet my conversation buddy. Everybody kept complimenting me! The gal who works in the International Student office, my convo partner, her friend...It was great! I might need to start putting a little more effort into my appearance ;). Honestly though, most mornings it's all I can do to make sure my coat's on right side up. There's only so much caffeine can do!
So that was nice :). Then last night I went to a solo night for the jazz choir. It was super fun. There are some astounding voices in that group! I felt really bad for one guy, he flubbed "Fever" and then psyched himself out so he kept flubbing it. He had corny intros for his songs. I ended up chatting with him after, he's a nice kid. I told him that I thought it took a lot of courage just to get up and sing by himself in front of people, so he was already ahead of the game! It was a nice chat...He looked awfully familiar, I think he might be in my music class...I am so horrible with names! My gramma might go with me to the next jazz choir thing, maybe my grandpa too. I hope so anyways. My grandparents and I might have our issues, but they helped instill my love of music deep within my soul. Jazz, in particular, is what my grandpa introduced me to.
I am tired, but happy. On top of everything else, I finally solved a problem that had been keeping me from moving forward on a final project for one of my classes!
I'm not just Fighting! I am Winning! ;)

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