Warning: Expect foul language. I often blog when sleep deprived, and even when I'm not sleep deprived I cuss.
Warning the second: TMI often occurs. Read at your own risk. Feel free to laugh at my expense (I know I do!).
Warning the third: I suppose I should just put a general Trigger Warning here. I talk about mental illness (Anxiety, panic disorder, depression, social shit), abuse (rarely), and my fucked up relationship with food. And...other things. Actually, just consider this a general warning: If you might be triggered by things, you probably should read no further.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

A Victory Post

I went to a small concert. BY MYSELF. I don't check that off my "I want" list, because I want to be able to do more, be more. But that does not negate the feeling of victory I have right now. Was I all jumping into conversations, sitting in the front row? No. I was, in fact, in the very back. But the fact remains that I drove there (BY MYSELF), went in (BY MYSELF), and enjoyed a concert (BY MYSELF). I'm not sure exactly how many people were there, I'm not good at estimating stuff like that. It was held at a church and the sanctuary was...maybe three quarters of the way full? It was a decent size sanctuary (not super church, but bigger than small ;) ).
I think I need to change the nature of my "want" list. I think I need to add checkmarks to things on the list until I can cross them off because there's no more room for checkmarks. That will be a victorious thing. I will never cross everything off that list, because I fully expect the list to grow. That's how it should be. The things I want for myself should increase as I explore the world and find my place(s) in it. I want my list to be miles long with a check mark next to almost every item.

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