Warning: Expect foul language. I often blog when sleep deprived, and even when I'm not sleep deprived I cuss.
Warning the second: TMI often occurs. Read at your own risk. Feel free to laugh at my expense (I know I do!).
Warning the third: I suppose I should just put a general Trigger Warning here. I talk about mental illness (Anxiety, panic disorder, depression, social shit), abuse (rarely), and my fucked up relationship with food. And...other things. Actually, just consider this a general warning: If you might be triggered by things, you probably should read no further.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

My family (maternal line)

My grandfather is kind of an asshole, but he's gotten better over the years. He and I have butted heads many a time, but we love each other. He doesn't understand me, but he seems to have decided that that doesn't matter. We don't talk about anything much, we just sit together and love each other.
My grandmother is kind of a heinous bitch. She's always mean, but funny. So that when she says something horrible she can retreat to the sanctuary of humour. I love her anyways and acknowledge that a good chunk of who I am comes from her...which is why I'm so very careful NOT to be her. I have as much venom in me as she does in her, but I recognize that that's NOT OKAY. So she's the only person I let the venom loose on, and only when she's doing it to family member. She rarely does it to me, but when she does it's more bitchy than funny.
My step-father is an incredibly sweet man, but...he has a temper and he has communication issues. Overall, I would say he is the parent who's most okay with who I am...I think. I don't know if my mother told him anything after I came out to her, so maybe he's not. He is Republican and votes the party, which means he's voting for people who seem to hate everything about me. He's a caring person who'd give you the shirt off his back.
My mother doesn't have a malicious bone in her body and has what my aunt calls an "innocent" sense of humour. I sometimes have to explain jokes. She loves me, but she doesn't understand me. She should never have had children because she's kind of shitty at parenting. She doesn't know how to handle my infirmities, and how seriously she takes them is really hard to figure out. She thinks I'm going to hell and that I've turned away from God.
My older brother is a sanctimonious prick who knows everything and can't mind his own goddamn business He is incredibly disrespectful at times, and I don't appreciate how he talks down to our parents. AT ALL. .When he pulls that shit on me I have to leave the room. He gets my ire up SO MUCH, that if I don't leave I will say something that will start drama that will last until I move. He kind of thinks I'm lazy and periodically makes belittling comments about my infirmities. He loves me, but he often doesn't seem to like me or my presence. He still gave up his room for me and tries to understand me, as well as helping me out with tangible things like taking care of the car and moving stuff.
My other brother just kind of goes with the flow. He's very much like his father, and I have the least bad to say about him. He needs to mind our parents better, and he sometimes thinks my infirmities are just laziness. But...when I'm cramping up, when my fibro is flaring, he is always willing to try and massage the knots out. When my anxiety is flaring and I can't leave the house by myself...he is usually willing to come with me so I have that safety blanket. That said, he's still a sixteen year old boy.
My aunts are both very different people, but they've made life choices that have left them living solo. One of them is a bitter old hag and the other is sweet and ineffectual. They don't have much to do with my life. Neither do my cousins.

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