Warning: Expect foul language. I often blog when sleep deprived, and even when I'm not sleep deprived I cuss.
Warning the second: TMI often occurs. Read at your own risk. Feel free to laugh at my expense (I know I do!).
Warning the third: I suppose I should just put a general Trigger Warning here. I talk about mental illness (Anxiety, panic disorder, depression, social shit), abuse (rarely), and my fucked up relationship with food. And...other things. Actually, just consider this a general warning: If you might be triggered by things, you probably should read no further.

Friday, September 14, 2012


I've been on the receiving end of teasing about my cooking for awhile. My ex used to get kind of malicious about it, going on about my ineptitude. After all the years of that, even my mother had forgotten that I actually do know how to cook. In fact, I made my first solo dish when I was six years old (lentil soup and I was incredibly proud of myself). Needing a recipe does not make you a bad cook. It may mean that you'll never be a chef, but that's never been on my list of "if only"s so whatever.
My mom still teases me about my lack of enthusiasm for cooking. She calls me lazy. It actually does bother me a little. The thing is, I do like cooking. I like cooking when I can try to make new dishes and not have to worry about what other people want. These occasions are few and far between. An added impediment is that if I don't make something when I want to, I just forget about it. So it never gets made. I freely admit that I have the attention span of a gnat. I'm working on it, but it is an issue.
Another issue (and one that my mom can't chide me about since she does it even more than I do) is that I sometimes forget that I'm cooking. Multi-tasking is not my friend when it comes to cooking. I need to stay in the kitchen with a book if I'm going to cook or I'll get distracted (have I mentioned my attention span?). I also have a memory like  a broken sieve, so there's that too.
My mom also likes to go on about my bad food choices. The thing is...if I have healthy food on hand, generally speaking, it's what I prefer. Frozen blueberres? Omnomnom. Apples, strawberries, grapes, peas (particularly frozen, I know it's weird), baby carrots, hummus ( pepper hummus....), yogurt (not that ultra processed stuff, REAL yogurt), all of these are foods that I love. But living in a house with four other people...yeah. Stuff doesn't stick around. I also try to be courteous and not nom everything I love all by myself.
If I lived on my own and money wasn't a factor, my freezers would be full of frozen fruit (and peas nomnomnom) and I would make my own snack boxes. I won't lie, I'd still probably eat some junk. But I grew up on fresh and frozen fruit and home-canned veggies. It's what my taste buds love.
I've just lost my train of thought (predictably) and can't remember where I was going with this. I only started writing it because I went to get something to eat and the only thing that didn't require tons of prep time (HUNGRY NOW) was lunchables and mac and cheese. And frozen blueberries, but my mom gets pissy when I eat them all (which, uh, has happened). So I ate a lunchable, was still hungry, and made some mac and cheese. Which my mom will be all judge-y about "You need to make better food choices!"
So...yeah. Blecch. Too bad I'm not cute enough to have a sugar daddy...well, I suppose the whole "mostly asexual" thing would be an impediment as well.
I suppose I'm off to watch some more Doctor Who (currently on the Tom Baker years :D ) and eat some mac and cheese. I'd watch my kdrama, but my fave streaming site doesn't seem to like me today :/. I won't lie, one of the reasons I'm taking Korean is so I don't have to wait for subtitles ;) (we'll see if I can learn the language well enough!). (wow, is it just me or did I use a LOT of parentheses in this post?)

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