Warning: Expect foul language. I often blog when sleep deprived, and even when I'm not sleep deprived I cuss.
Warning the second: TMI often occurs. Read at your own risk. Feel free to laugh at my expense (I know I do!).
Warning the third: I suppose I should just put a general Trigger Warning here. I talk about mental illness (Anxiety, panic disorder, depression, social shit), abuse (rarely), and my fucked up relationship with food. And...other things. Actually, just consider this a general warning: If you might be triggered by things, you probably should read no further.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Good Exhausted

There's good exhausted and bad exhausted. Bad exhausted makes me sick and keeps me from doing what I want or NEED to do. Good exhausted is when I can't do much more, but I've been able to accomplish what I wanted. This is a week of good exhaustion.
I'm doing the school thing without meds. No antidepressants. No antianxiety meds. I can't afford the doctor's visit and he can't renew my prescription until I go. He's actually been really understanding. It's been almost a year since my last visit and I'm supposed to have a medication management appointment every six. But...I can't afford the visit. So I go without.
So far the major difference seems to be in my degree of exhaustion. I'm always tired, but never quite this much. I'm also a lot sweatier, which...yeah, anxiety. I'm not too stinky, thankfully! That is a big "thankfully" as I'm currently unable to use any kind of deodorant (yay sensitive skin!). I've been keeping things together, though I had a close call when I thought I wasn't going to get a spot in back. I get preferred seating thanks to access services, but I would have had to kick someone out of their seat and....yeah. Thankfully it was all an illusion and I was able to snag  the last seat in the back row. Note to self: Don't be so fucking nice, let them get the door themselves, get your ass in there, and get your goddamn seat!
The fighting spirit is still up and moving. Just have to maintain it.

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