Warning: Expect foul language. I often blog when sleep deprived, and even when I'm not sleep deprived I cuss.
Warning the second: TMI often occurs. Read at your own risk. Feel free to laugh at my expense (I know I do!).
Warning the third: I suppose I should just put a general Trigger Warning here. I talk about mental illness (Anxiety, panic disorder, depression, social shit), abuse (rarely), and my fucked up relationship with food. And...other things. Actually, just consider this a general warning: If you might be triggered by things, you probably should read no further.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Home Church

I don't even know how to tag this post. Heh. I think it's indicative of how much time I spend on the internet that that thought even occurred to me.
So, as already has been established (I think) I am a Christian (liberal I suppose) raised by Christians (definitely conservative!). This has given me a childhood and upbringing I wouldn't change for the WORLD (of course, I wouldn't change anything that happened to me in the past because it made me the me I am today, and I kinda like that me). But...It also causes me some discomfort.
Over the past year of living with my mother I've learned to keep my bedroom door closed when she has home church. Not just because of social issues, or the fact that I'm very messy. More because they'll often talk about things in a way that makes me really uncomfortable. I can't get angry with them because they are being loving and have the best of intentions. But...some of the convos about bringing Jews to Christ were cringe-worthy at best. Plus I don't want to start drama in my (rent-free) home.
I like most of my mom's (small) church as individuals. Very sweet, caring people who (overall) typify what I view as "real" Christians, with such generous spirits and loving hearts that it's impossible not to appreciate. But the same things that make them these wonderful, WONDERFUL, people make them...i don't even know. I can't say narrow or close minded, because that would create an erroneous image. No, i think it's more...They can't even conceive of what a world-view different from theirs would be like. They see shades of gray more than others, but still. I wish I could explain why I love, resent, dislike, adore, admire, and avoid these people. It's just such a visceral and emotional reaction that I can't even articulate it. :/


  1. Darling, I wish that you would be able to have a frank and open dialogue with these folks, and perhaps pry open the narrowness of their thinking.

    1. Their mindset is such that it would do little to no good. Outside stimulus in this case will not do much other than cause me a lot of trouble, this is change that can only come internally. Also, because of my age and relationship with many of them, me saying anything would also not be taken seriously. The hazard of knowing people your whole life.