Warning: Expect foul language. I often blog when sleep deprived, and even when I'm not sleep deprived I cuss.
Warning the second: TMI often occurs. Read at your own risk. Feel free to laugh at my expense (I know I do!).
Warning the third: I suppose I should just put a general Trigger Warning here. I talk about mental illness (Anxiety, panic disorder, depression, social shit), abuse (rarely), and my fucked up relationship with food. And...other things. Actually, just consider this a general warning: If you might be triggered by things, you probably should read no further.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Excitement and Trepidation

I'm pulling out of things a little currently. Too soon to tell if it's going to be brief or stick around. I'm obviously hoping for the latter. It helps to have friends you feel obliged to sometimes ;). I hadn't seen some friends in awhile, so I made a commitment to hang out with them. It was so fucking difficult to drag myself out of the house, but I did. It was worth it for the fellowship. There was also a birthday that I committed to. Having had the hang-out time the night before, I found it much easier to go to the shindig. It also helped that I'd committed to giving someone a ride, thus ensuring DOUBLE the obligation. Wonderful, delightful obligation that did much to put me in a more positive mindframe.
It was a wonderful party because it was for a wonderful person. The party went on for four hours and when it was done people still wanted to hang out and spend more time with the birthday girl. Because she is fantastic, wonderful, and awesome. I am truly blessed to have her in my life.
University application is in sight. So close. Finals are pretty damn close as well. Which is where the trepidation comes in. Particularly for Korean. My crazysauce insists that I'm a fraud, that I don't belong in this class and can't succeed. I'm currently telling my crazysauce to go fuck itself.
I'm planning for the future which just keeps getting brighter. I found out that one of my new (and swiftly becoming dear) friends is going to be moving to Southern California in about 3 or 4 months. The area she is moving to is going to be about a 7 hour drive (depending on traffic could pad a couple more on!) from where *I* am moving to. This is, for me, a completely reasonable distance for periodic weekend visits (going both directions). I am getting more and more excited for the future, but all the excitement leads me to anxiety too. No matter what I will find a way to make this work. I WILL.

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