Warning: Expect foul language. I often blog when sleep deprived, and even when I'm not sleep deprived I cuss.
Warning the second: TMI often occurs. Read at your own risk. Feel free to laugh at my expense (I know I do!).
Warning the third: I suppose I should just put a general Trigger Warning here. I talk about mental illness (Anxiety, panic disorder, depression, social shit), abuse (rarely), and my fucked up relationship with food. And...other things. Actually, just consider this a general warning: If you might be triggered by things, you probably should read no further.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Lightbulb moment

So the past week or two have (has?) been difficult. My crazysauce is dominant and I'm having to force myself not to bolt when I'm walking outside (I don't always succeed). It is DEFINITELY affecting my performance at school. But I've been pulling through (barely in some cases). Math was taking a huge hit. I just wasn't processing things on concepts that I know I know. It's like, I understood the idea, but not the application thereof.
I had a quiz today and I'm not done with all the classwork (we submit electronically). I was freaking out a little and I was determined to work hard on it yesterday before my hair appointment (which ended up getting cancelled). Instead I geeked out with my classmate (who is rapidly becoming a friend) for FOUR HOURS. It was an accident, but it was a very good decision. I woke up this morning able to math. When I went outside to the other fridge to fetch my yogurt (if I don't put it there my brothers eat it all) I was able to suppress my panic reflex easier than I have in WEEKS.
It's not news to me that reducing stress helps my mental health (and processes!), but it seems like I always forget. I get so focused on what needs to get done that...I basically forget that *I* have to be in working order to get those things done. Scheduling geek out time won't work, but I need to be better about embracing destressers. Yes, my kdramas and such are a distraction, but you know what? If I'm going to get good grades those distractions are neccessary.

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