Warning: Expect foul language. I often blog when sleep deprived, and even when I'm not sleep deprived I cuss.
Warning the second: TMI often occurs. Read at your own risk. Feel free to laugh at my expense (I know I do!).
Warning the third: I suppose I should just put a general Trigger Warning here. I talk about mental illness (Anxiety, panic disorder, depression, social shit), abuse (rarely), and my fucked up relationship with food. And...other things. Actually, just consider this a general warning: If you might be triggered by things, you probably should read no further.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012


I haven't just sidelined my friend's cancer, I'm coming to terms with it. The day I posted I was looking at my stats and it showed that someone had read my pondering in immortality. I read it and...yeah, was reminded. I was reminded of how much of her will live on even if she dies. So thank you to whoever read that. I also want to say thank you to the people that reminded me that there is always hope even if doctors can't see it. I won't say I'm "good" no matter what happens, but...I think I'm in a better place about it...
Which is NOT to say my brain is in a good place. Because it's not. Have you ever had that moment when anxiety/panic kicks in and you can't stop yourself for booking it to the door in an effort to get inside where it's safe because your brain has decided that something (I'm not going to say zombies, but probably zombies) is after you? Yeah, that was me this morning. I'm inside, in my room, trying to psych myself up for going out the front door...and speedwalking to my car because fuck if I can control my brain. *sigh*
 I need to go into the kitchen to make Tang. I have a problem with keeping hydrated and don't like drinking plain water, so Tang it is. If I can do that I can make it out the door. My mental Rob Schneider is shouting "You Can Do EET!", but I think he's also hiding so that the zombies get me first.
Yay crazy! Hilarious...when it's not happening :/ .

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