An early "I Want" Update

I posted last year about things that I want. I've achieved things that are not on the list and have more coming and I just felt the urge to write a bit. So here goes, an incomplete list.
I did not go to a bar for karaoke. But I did go to karaoke. I was in a small room with 13 other people and I sang my heart out as well as "encouraging" (FINE "bullying") a couple non-participants into doing one song.
I went to a bar with a friend for some live music. It was fantastic. I didn't join in the dancing because FIBROSUCKS, but I enjoyed it nonetheless.
I've danced in public at a part TWICE. In fact, I got the party going when no one else would get on the dance floor. That's right, I started dancing (with enthusiasm, not skill) and when no one joined me I started dragging friends on the dance floor. It was followed by a rather uncomfortable almost-lapdance, but even that gave me a new funny story to tell.
I'm making plans to go to Emerald City ComiCon in a couple months with at least one friend, probably two. I've decided that I don't care if I ever go to a convention alone, because life is more fun with friends.
One of those friends and I are planning a bit of an ultimate cosplay. It may not work out, but the planning is a blast.
Another friend and I are going to a comedy show by one of my fave stand-up guys in April. Not maybe, ARE. As in she's buying my ticket as a birthday present :).
I've been getting bunches of 4.0s at school.
I have made new friends. I have made new plans. I am conquering my world one obstacle at a time.
FIGHTING

노래방

I probably spelled that wrong. In any case, it appears that I am, indeed, in an upturn. Went to karaoke with friends (and professor and a couple miscellaneous classmates) and it was amazing. We were there for three, three and a half hours. My throat is still sore. I'm so happy, I didn't have a panic attack!! Well, not a full-on one anyways. I could tell my body was trying to do something because I was waaay shorter of breath than the situation warranted. But what matters is that I didn't have an attack, almost only counts in horseshoes...I think. I haven't played since I was a kid but I've heard that phrase oh-so-many times ;).
It's not just the fact that I'm in an upswing. I mean, me not having a panic attack isn't. Just because of the upswing... Anyways. It's because most of the people there were my friends and a safe space was created. I know these people like me, and that they wouldn't let someone else be mean to me, so I felt safe. It was glorious. We sang, we danced, we acted like fools, and I was happy.
So.
AJA
AJA
FIGHTING!
I'm not sure how I'm going to do in finals week, but I know that my GPA is acceptable for university, I have friends who are more than willing to help me study (even when it's long distance when I'm in another state), I have another friend I'll be able to see regularly when I'm in AZ (we're hoping to have an in-person hangout once a month), I have a personal statement for my uni app that I'm happy with, and I was able to socialize in a group while doing karaoke. Life is good.

Excitement and Trepidation

I'm pulling out of things a little currently. Too soon to tell if it's going to be brief or stick around. I'm obviously hoping for the latter. It helps to have friends you feel obliged to sometimes ;). I hadn't seen some friends in awhile, so I made a commitment to hang out with them. It was so fucking difficult to drag myself out of the house, but I did. It was worth it for the fellowship. There was also a birthday that I committed to. Having had the hang-out time the night before, I found it much easier to go to the shindig. It also helped that I'd committed to giving someone a ride, thus ensuring DOUBLE the obligation. Wonderful, delightful obligation that did much to put me in a more positive mindframe.
It was a wonderful party because it was for a wonderful person. The party went on for four hours and when it was done people still wanted to hang out and spend more time with the birthday girl. Because she is fantastic, wonderful, and awesome. I am truly blessed to have her in my life.
University application is in sight. So close. Finals are pretty damn close as well. Which is where the trepidation comes in. Particularly for Korean. My crazysauce insists that I'm a fraud, that I don't belong in this class and can't succeed. I'm currently telling my crazysauce to go fuck itself.
I'm planning for the future which just keeps getting brighter. I found out that one of my new (and swiftly becoming dear) friends is going to be moving to Southern California in about 3 or 4 months. The area she is moving to is going to be about a 7 hour drive (depending on traffic could pad a couple more on!) from where *I* am moving to. This is, for me, a completely reasonable distance for periodic weekend visits (going both directions). I am getting more and more excited for the future, but all the excitement leads me to anxiety too. No matter what I will find a way to make this work. I WILL.
AJA
AJA
FIGHTING!

Oh Fibro

I've actually been vlogging elsewhere about my fibro, but honestly, I'm too tired right now to sit down and do a video. I will at some point in the next week, but right now...not so much. :/ My fibro is flaring. I've been in a lot of physical pain, I'm constantly exhausted, and I'm moving through a fog. My brain needs a new starter, it's just clickclickclickclick with no ignition. I've fallen behind in my schoolwork a bit. It's not an insurmountable bit, but it's still a bit. I stay at school late because I can keep myself awake there. The minute I get home my body is just like "Okay, bedtime!" with no respect for what I need to get done. Sometimes my body has been sending me to bed without dinner. No matter how much or little sleep I get this week, I'm always tired. I'm draggin' draggin' draggin'. I think longingly of the potential of Arizona. I know I'll still have problems, my health is in the pits and it's going to take time to improve it, but... I just anticipate not having to kill my liver with anti-inflammatories on a daily basis.
I'm going dancing with my friends at the Y. The aerobics room is free in the morning, so we can dance in front of a huge mirror as we make fools of ourselves trying to learn dance steps. I may only last ten minutes, but that time with friends is invaluable. I may last only 5 minutes, but I don't care, I'm still going.
I have a birthday party to go to tonight, and I'm probably going to have to caffeinate just to get there. I don't know if caffeine helps my pain levels (I mean, it usually seems to, but that could be my mood it's affecting, you know?), but I've never really known it to hurt (unless I have a headache, sometimes it can then).
I'm just trying to chant "Aja! Aja! Fighting!" and "You can do eet!" to get through this flare. I mean, when the flare is done I'll still be in pain, but it will be MANAGEABLE pain. Pain I'm used to, pain i can cope with. My brain is so muzzy right now that while it was shouting at me/itself "Something's following you and is going to KILL YOU!!", my (and my brain's) response was "Really? That's nice."

The Shining Future

So everything in my life right now seems to be revolving around college and the future. I'm okay with that :). I'm still having a bit of a slump, but I'm coming out of it a bit (fingers crossed, knock wood). The future looks bright and hope is getting her breath back after having it knocked out of her. I'm going to be a PAID conversation partner this quarter :). I don't know how much I'll be making, but I don't really care. Why? Because I was going to be doing it for free *anyways*, anything I get is a bonus ;). Well, okay, not exactly a conversation partner, I'll be running conversation groups. Which, by the way, is a totally new thing (WHICH IS SO COOL).
I'm also trying to help my little Vietnamese bfam get squared away before I move to Arizona. He's a great kid, but it's...He just doesn't know how to stand up for himself, or go out and get what he wants. He has a problem speaking to people in authority. I had to go with him to a bunch of little meetings and appointments at the college over the last week or so. I want to give him a starting point to go from, not plan his life. I almost think he'd be happier if I just told him "This is what you're doing!". However, telling him what to do won't help him grow a backbone for the future. He's a good kid, he's just...a kid.
So that's something that's taking a fair amount of time, it's like pulling teeth to get a firm response out of him! But we're getting there. We're starting the university hunt for him and I've managed to get him to at least *think* about East Coast schools. This is important because his parents want him to get into a top 100 university, and he just wanted too look at TWO states! Yeah, need more options honey. So I'm finding universities that fit his and his parent's criteria (his parents: Pre med, top 100 school. his: Somewhere where it's not hot all the time, that has decent public transportation, has a nutrition program, and is fashionable ;) ).
I'm starting to focus on the whole transfer process. I need to do REALLY well this quarter so I can bring my GPA up. So at the end of the quarter I'll be putting in my application at the University of Arizona. This also gives me time to work on stuff like a personal statement/application essay. "Pick me because I'm fucking awesome and will work my ass off" probably isn't going to cut it. Unfortunately. It's exciting, exhilarating, and scary.
I'm also looking at what I'm going to do for the next few years. I'm looking at what the prices there are like, and wondering if it's possible that I'll be able to hold down a job. I really want it to be possible because I don't want to be on government aid. AT ALL. (which, by the way, I haven't heard anything else about lately). I want to work hard, study hard, and succeed. Success, for me, means being self-sufficient.
All geared up for the quarter to come, resigned to math, excited for Korean, and ecstatic about running my new conversation group.
Aja! Fighting!